Friday, February 09, 2007

No heartbeat seen

I had mentioned in my previous post that I was hoping to see a heartbeat today at my first appt. Well, I didn't. I'm estimated to be 10 weeks along, but the baby measured 6 weeks, 5 days. With no heartbeat. That means one of two things. I'm either not near as far along as I'd thought OR we've lost our little baby. It saddens my heart to type that, but that's the reality of it. It's been a hard day, but a good day. Every day the Lord gives is good.

My dearest friend Christy SO kindly watched our Mikayla today while we were gone over 3 hours. While it's been a hard day, I've experienced several acts of love and kindess. It's wonderful. And I've fallen in love all over again with the beautiful daughter the Lord's so graciously blessed us with. To see my husband in pain is not an easy thing.

"The Lord will give strength unto his people;
the Lord will bless his people with peace."
(not sure where it's found)

That's the verse the Lord has brought to my heart during this time. After my appt, they sent me to the hospital to give blood so they can measure the "pregnancy hormone", I guess is what it's called. I'll go back on Monday morning and they'll take blood again and compare. If the number has stayed the same or decreased, it's a pretty sure thing we've lost the baby. So, we'll see . I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I'm not too hopeful, and maybe I need to be. Just looking at that sonogram screen and seeing no movement spoke volumes to me.

The thing that gives me a little hope is that I've not had pains/cramping/bleeding or the likes. The Lord knows and He does all things well. I prayed this morning before the appt that if it wasn't the Lord's will for this baby to l ive, that He'd show me and help me. He's been good to me today. I thank Him for the great grace He gives in comforting my hurting heart. I just want to rest in his will quietly. I don't want to ask "why?". I don't think that's for us to know.

When I know the results on Monday or Tuesday, I'll give an update. Either way I want to be thankful and fall more in love with my Lord and my family. Thank you for your love and prayers.


Misty said...

My dear sister in law,
How saddened I was to hear of your news today, but how I am rejoicing in your sweet attitude and that the Lord is so good. How these times make us to see how precious and fragile children are, and that they truely are gifts. In times as these I hurt that we cannot physically be with your family. I would love to give you a big comforting hug. How I wish I could say just the thing to end your and Jody's pain. I know my words cannot, but the Word of God can. I am sure you and Jody are already there. Though we do trust the Lord, it is still ok to cry. This is your baby and my neice or nephew. How great to know the Lord is Lord of all and he does all things prefect, I know you are resting in that. I love you,

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth."
Psalm 121:1-2

In what times I am afraid I will trust in thee.
(I do not know where to find this, and I cannot quote it)

Misty said...

Having been where you are, waiting and saddened over a child. There has not been a moment this evening that you and your family have not been thought of.
love you

Christy said...

My dearest friend, I've already said everything I need to you today. And I know that you know my heart and how much I'm lifting you and Jody up in prayer. I just wanted to remind you how loved you all are before I went to bed. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you. Seriously. Call anytime. I LOVE YOU.

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. - Psalm 73:26

Grace said...

hello sarah. it's after midnight and i just remembered you said you posted. just wanted to say really quickly that i love you and miss you and if you ever feel like getting away, you're welcome to come visit. jody included. anyhow, thank you for the post. i love you and i'm going to hop into bed now. dean's probably wondering where i'm at. call me today. dean works all day so anytime's a good time.

Emmie said...

Principessa, I love you and yours. You are all so precious to me.

Rebekah said...

Oh, Sarah!! How my heart is breaking for you and Jody as you have to walk this path. Having been there before, I know the pain and the longing, but also the trusting in God's goodness to see you through. Please know that I am and have been praying much for you both. The verse you quoted is one that the Lord brought constantly to my mind during my times of loss and sadness. My prayer is that you will be able to find peace in the midst of mourning and rest in the midst of loss.
I love you, dear friend! Call me anytime if you need to just cry or talk or whatever you need! Hug that precious little girl--what a treasured gift she truly is!

Laura said...

Hey Sarah,
This post brings back similar feelings when I was pregnant with Caleb. I spotted for well over 3 weeks sometime around week 13 and onward. During that time my heart was so focused on the Lord and what all this bleeding meant, "Is the baby fine? Am I going to miscarry?",etc. I sang hymns all throughout the days the main one being It Is Well With My Soul. We'd already heard his little heart and I was sad,fearful, and yet at peace if that makes any sense. Obviously Caleb was born. And yet thinking back on those days still brings a rememberance of how fragile life really is and how we are all held in God's Loving Hands. Give extra cuddles to Mikayala and Jody. Know y'all are in our prayers. Love you.

Cole said...

Praying for you dear girl.

tara said...

Sweet Sarah--

I'm so sorry to hear about all that you are enduring. We will be praying for you.

Your heart is so precious and such a beautiful reflection of Jesus.

I love you . . . my sister in Christ. ;o)

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3