Friday, December 12, 2008

Will somebody help me pick up the pieces to my broken heart?

My body told me it was time today. For what? To start weaning my son Joseph. My heart feels like it shattered all around me. For the first time in 10 1/2 months, our Joseph had a bottle. It was a battle. I'm serious. He HATED!!! it at first. and we fought for nearly an hour. I was pretty determined to win. We bought 2 different kinds of bottles with different nipples and 2 kinds of formula. We were ready to tackle the project. After much blood, sweat and tears (well, 2 of the 3- no blood!) he's now finished his first bottle and is quietly sleeping.

Why is it so hard on a mommy's heart??? Mikayla weaned herself at 8 months and as some of you remember my heart broke then as well. There's just something about the awesomeness and closeness of your child totally living off your own body. That's the way God so beautifully designed it. I never thought I'd like nursing. My mom would always tell me, Oh, you'll LOVE it! I didn't think so. But, she was absolutely right. I DO love it. I will miss it with my big boy. :(((

Just thinking about it makes me very sad. I love my son so much. My body kinda got to a point where it wasn't producing as much milk and he'd only eat for a little bit. So, the process has begun. Grace, my cheerleader in it all, wanted updates; so, here it is, Grace. I'll keep you posted.

We're planning on giving him formula til he's 1. I just asked Mikayla why she thought Brother was crying tonight and she answered, he didn't want his bottle. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. After he fell asleep in my arms, my tears just fell on him and I thanked the Lord for my boy. What an enormous blessing he is in my life.

ps. how do people stand bangs in their eyes??? I can't do it. Big forehead or not, I can't stand for hair to be in my eyes. oh well. so much for the new hair-do...


Emmie said...

With all those tears, you may need a shop vac! I'm so sorry! You should try having to take medicine that the baby can't have when you DO have lots of milk! That was worse than the sickness!

I like the BANGS! Let's see them more often--I got a glimpse, and a preview of a woman breaking down in front of me when she dropped her barette and couldn't find it. Whee. You who get to see Principessa in person will love those bangs.

Thanks for the great evening, and for helping with MOM! I needed you!

Poor Brother is probably thinking, This is what Mikayla threatened me with (no more nursing) when I swiped her toy the other day!

Laura said...

well, be thankful for as long as you've been able to...thats great!! you almost made it to a year! i see the positive side in it all.

and for the bangs (which you haven't shared a picture of yet--hint hint)--i'm the same way. i always think i want some cute side ones to swoop over...but then i end up pinning them back. awful cycle.

Grace said...

thanks for the update! however sad it was:( awww, poor joseph. he's wondering what he did wrong. oh well. within a day or two, he won't remember there used to be another option. you, on the other hand, will always remember. and will always think of the good ol' days when you didn't have to heat up a bottle, wash bottles, buy new nipples b/c he's chewed those up, buy formula, measure and shake, all that fun stuff. but now, you're free! no more rushing home for your 3 hour deadline. no more trying to find a modest sitting pose while you're trying to talk to family, no more wondering how much he's actually eating. it's a new stage, a fun stage, and a rather freeing stage. but sad none the less. b/c they just look so precious gazing up at us, scratching our chest, smiling at us, you know. come visit me if you need more help with the nostalgia:) thanks again!!! love you:)

Misty said...

I too love nursing! I pray this baby will do as well as the others. Nursing is ALOT of work at first but it always pays off. Well atleast it was alot of work for me:) love you

Anonymous said...

:o( hugs.

Shaunna said...

Wow! 10 1/2 months is great! You should feel really good about being able to nurse Joseph for that long!! I had to start supplementing formula when Addilyn was 3 1/2 months old! I bawled and bawled because I wanted to nurse exclusively for much longer, but my body just couldn't make enough milk to satisfy her. I still nurse Addi for her first and last feedings of the day, but most of her day time feedings are forumla. I'm okay with it now, and I am thankful that I even got to nurse at all (I have lots of friends who were never able to make enough milk or their babies would never latch on) I know it's hard, but you've done really well to have nursed for almost an entire year! Hope the bottle feedings get better!

PS-Let's see those bangs;)

sarahdodson said...

First of all, thank you, sweet ladies for your sweet comments. I AM thankful to have been able to nurse for the amount of time I have. :)

Laura and Shaunna, as you may remember, I CAN'T post pictures, but I'd LOVE to. If you're really curious, the only way I can send a photo is by my cell phone. So, there you have it;) I may be going to my mom's house this week and if I do, I'll post one then, ok?

Put Your Faith Back into Action said...

aww. oh sarah actually i think you would look good with bangs. (:). And look at my new baby that I got on the post I done.

Chad said...

Sorry about the weaning. I want to see those bangs. I hate hair in my face, period. I always consider wearing my hair down, not pulled back at all....I can't do it. I really do not want to have to touch my hair to reposition it (if that makes sense) all day long. Weird.

Mrs. Walker said...

I'm sad along with you, Sarah! I had to wean Brandon, who didn't at all want to be weaned. He nursed for over 18 months, so it wasn't like he couldn't do without. Still, there's something incredibly sad about giving up that precious one on one time with your baby. *sigh* Now that I'm pregnant again, I know that I'll get that time again soon, but I still miss that cuddle time with Brandon. He's such a big boy now...sitting with mommy just isn't FUN!

Bangs...hmmm. I have to agree with you. I don't really like hair in my face. I've had bangs for awhile now, something I tend to do after each of my pregnancies. You'd think I would learn, but when I start to lose so much hair after giving birth, bangs cover it up!! Still, it's annoying to grow them out. I'm in that stage now...growing out my bangs, growing out my hair, about ready to give up and cut it all!!!