Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Grief

Grief is a strange thing. It's as if it's a vague feeling/notion/experience that kinda floats around and hits you at times you expect and at times you least expect. There's really no nailing it down.


I thoroughly miss my mom. And I know pretty much everyone has somebody (or somebodies- word??) that they miss. I just plain old miss her presence. Her joy. Her life. Her visits. I miss knowing I could call her at almost any time and get instant fellowship, encouragement, counsel, love. I'm sure I've said it before but nobody but nobody loves like a mother loves. My mom cared for me in a way that no one ever will again on this earth. She cared for my soul, for my testimony, for my role as a mother and wife. And she absolutely showed me. ALL THE TIME.

So, of course I'm hurting. How could I not be?! Sometimes I (foolishly) wish our relationship would have been a 5. Not a 1 where I'd have horrible memories, and not a 10 (which it was) where I'd have TONS of memories that hurt so painfully. Just a 5. Not too bad, not too good. Yeah, that certainly was not the case. It was "too good," and I thank the LORD for the time I got to spend with that godly, selfless lady I was privileged to call my mom.

I was blessed today reading Spurgeon's morning devotion from "Morning and Evening." Here's a quote from it that I like: "The distance between glorified spirits in heaven and militant saints on earth seems great; but it is not so. We are not far from home- a moment will bring us there."

How true it is! In the pain of not having my mom on this earth, I believe I've been extremely blessed with a gift. It's the gift that eternity is more real to me. Eternal life with Christ is much sweeter. It's in knowing all the more that:

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say, “Thy will be done”;
And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say 'twas worth it all”;
Only one life,' twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.
C.T. Studd

Help me, precious Lord, to live my life for you. Please teach me, guide me, help me. Help me not to grieve in an ungodly way. Please continue to comfort my hurting heart or others who are hurting also. I pray you would open my eyes to others who are hurting around me. Show me ways to help and minister to them. I pray my life would be pleasing to you. I fail SO often. Help me not to stay there, but to know how sufficient your grace is every single day of my life. Thank you for loving and saving and keeping me. I look forward to spending eternity with the One who paid the awful price for my sins.
In Christ's name,
Amen.

8 comments:

Christy said...

I love you soooo much!! I miss your mom in so many ways, too. I was looking at bibles the other day because mine is tearing up and I thought, I've never had a bible that Vivian didn't give to me. She gave me my first bible, and when she noticed it was falling apart she gave me another one. And two more times she gave me other bibles just because. She gave me my copy of Spurgeon's Morning and Evening. And so many other precious things.. She was a true blessing to me and I am so much the better for it. And I am so much the better for knowing you, too. I am so thankful for you!! I look forward to our time this weekend.. I LOVE YOU!!! And you continue to be in my prayers daily and nightly.

Misty said...

Sarah,
I love you. You had a most blessed relationship with your momma, she was special. I cannot imagine your pain. Your life is such a sweet testimony of the Lord. I love you dearly.

gradydoctor said...

Your mother has much to be proud of, Sarah. Surely, she is smiling.

I will be covering you in prayer throughout this week. I imagine that this holy week makes you miss your mom even more. Know that one of your virtual friends is praying for you by name. May the Lord give you perfect peace.

KM

Adoption Mama said...

Sarah, Today is the one year anniversary of my mom's home going. The last couple of days were worse than today. God's peace abides. I remember the Resurrection that we are celebrating soon.

P.S. I am reading the same Spurgeon devotional:)

emmy said...

Sarah, both of my parents went home a long time ago, and I don't think I will ever stop missing them like crazy. I have my father's hat and for years I would sink my face into it and smell what he smelled like. But now that it's been almost 30 years since his passing, it doesn't smell like him any more. It is so bittersweet. Even while I'm saying to God, "You should have left me my parents for a little while longer", I know it is a mercy that they are with Him. It makes me understand Paul's angst in wanting to be present with the Lord but desiring to stay for those whom we are with. I am glad that eternity is such a long time that someday this time on earth will seem like a speck. Happy Easter.

Homeschool on the Croft said...

This was so lovely. You are blessed to have had a '10' relationship, although, undoubtedly, it makes the ache stronger now. I think, like your quote said, that the link between the saints here on earth and those in heaven is strong too - only a veil separates us, and soon it will be taken down.
And their prayers follow on... how little we know how many of their prayers are being answered today, though they were prayed many years ago.
Sweet post, that took my mind to glory, and that's always a good thing. x

Sherry said...

Sarah... I know this will be a difficult time for you and Grace. Vivian was such a wonderful mom and an inspiration to everyone that knew her. Vivian's life and her testimony lives on in the beautiful, sweet spirits of her daughters. Any mother would be proud to have two such wonderful daughters. I am sure the Lord looks at y'all and tells Vivian "Well done My child". I know that my life has been blessed having Grace has my daughter-in-law and knowing you has always been a blessing. You are both such wonderful moms. She taught you well!!

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