Thursday, March 03, 2011

If I could write...

a letter to my mom, here is what it'd say:

Dearest Mom,

Wow, do I ever miss you. You're in heaven now for all of eternity. What is that like?? Praise the Lord I will know someday and we will worship our Lord together. for ever. perfectly.

I know I cannot communicate with you and I don't wish to. It's just that when you're used to speaking to someone nearly every single day for your whole 31 years of life, it's extremely hard when that line of communication comes to such an abrupt stop. never to return again.

This earth is definitely more of a lonely place without you. As I'm writing you, my tears are just spilling out of my eyes. As I've thought about this letter, I've had thousands of thoughts running through my head. You made such an impression on my life and I've learned so much from you.

From what others tell me and from what I know first-hand, your life was surely not a waste. The day of your funeral was one of the happiest days of my life, I guess partly because I know it (the day of your death) was THE happiest day of yours. Your faith became sight. You found Him whom your soul loved and lived for- the One you strived to know.

There were many hard things after your death. One of them was calling to cancel your next heart appointment. Nope, you didn't need to be there for that one! Another one was clearing out all your belongings and finding new homes for everything. I had a lot of help with that, thankfully.

I am in the process of making a slideshow of some pictures I took of some of the last days of your life. Along with the pics, I bought a song from Itunes called I will rise to go along with it.By the way, I'm able to make slideshows now because I got a new computer and high speed internet :o)

My kiddos miss their Emmie. They still talk very endearingly about you. Lord willing, sometime in October, we will add another car seat to our minivan. If it's a girl? Emmie Jean- after my and Jody's beautiful mothers. The Lord has blessed us once again with conception. We are all so excited. I missed not being able to tell you. You were my biggest fan in that department!

One thing that has amazed me about your life is that you never really had anyone close to you die, other than your miscarriage. Wow. Your death has been my first major death to deal with. I've never experienced anything like it. not even close. I'm able to see your sweet mommy about every other day. It's so surreal knowing that she is my mom's mom. I think that is partly why I just love her so much. I see you in her. And I guess it makes me feel closer to you. She doesn't say much, but she does tell me she loves me. I sometimes talk about you to her. I'm not sure how much she understands, but I'm pretty confident she misses you. Some visits we have, she just breaks down and sobs. I sob right along. We both miss you.

I always thought that Dad would make it to heaven before you. Probably mainly because of his asthma and all the ER visits y'all had to make together. He said you beat him in (almost- not basketball or tennis) everything here on earth, so it's only fitting that you should beat us to heaven. I like that! Praise the Lord- Dad's health seems to be really good. I've seen the Lord work so evidently in his life. He has truly been a Comfort to Dad. What an awesome thing to see.

The other day I got a card from Misty in the mail saying that this pregnancy was "something to sing about." It reminded me of you and the cards you'd send me. I saw that yellow envelope and was flooded with emotions.

I'll close with a few thank you's :

Thank you for being committed to God while on this earth. Thank you for the testimony and the good name you left behind. You could have left millions of dollars and it would have never compared to what we were left with when you died. Thank you for your faithfulness to your church and to your dear husband. Thank you for birthing me and teaching me about God. Thank you for your countless prayers for me and others. I have your journals, which I cherish. Thank you for caring for my soul, for teaching me what matters in this fleeting life. Thank you for sending me and Jody to get brown sugar (when I'm sure there was lots in the cabinet). He continues to bless my life and is a godly, diligent, faithful man who loves me like crazy. I love watching him as a father.

Until we meet again,

ps. your favorite verse made it onto your headstone
pps. I could've written volumes more. I felt like I had to get some tears and emotions out. I know I can't write you a letter really, but I do SO terribly miss our times together. thank you for the life you lived by the grace of God!


Misty said...

Sarah Dodson, I love you so. I miss your sweet momma and am so so very thankful the Lord saw fit to place me in such a wonderful family. I am so wonderfully blessed. You mom was always only a blessing to me. Praying for you, wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you and cry with you. The Lord brings more comfort than I ever could, He is so kind and faithful.

Hannah B. said...

Oh, Sarah! I love you SO, SO much. I am so thankful for you and your heart. I am praying for you. :)

Adoption Mama said...

Sarah, I miss my mom, too. Every day I think about her and know she is with our Father in heaven too.

Your letter was beautiful! Keep your eyes on your Shepherd.

sarahdodson said...

Thank you, dear ladies, for all the love and encouragement!!

lauradodson said...

many hugs Sarah. Love you to pieces. I know the Lord has us living farther away than I would like, and I'd love to give you a big hug like Misty. But just as Misty has said, The Lord's comfort is far better than mine.

Your letter is perfect. Besides all the spiritual blessings she imparted to you, and I'm very thankful she "needed" brown sugar...I've never heard that story before but I think I can verify the end result was a good one! and I am really speaking selfishly here...I wouldn't know you otherwise! And now you're family!

God is indeed good. His purposes stand.

The Lord of hosts has sworn: As I have planned, so it shall be, and as I have purposed so it shall stand...Isaiah 14:24

gradydoctor said...

Hey Sarah. Your heart is all over this post. Love the way you honor your mother.

Thinking of you, my sister in Christ.

"You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"

~ Psalm 56:8

Rebekah said...

Sarah, it's been awhile since I stopped by your blog, so I just now read the sweet letter you wrote to your mom. I'm glad you were able to share some of your thoughts. I know how it can help to write things down, cathartic in many ways!
You continue to be heavy on my heart, especially since you shared your news about expecting again. I know how excited your mom would get over each new life. I miss that about her this time too, so I know you must miss her EVEN MORE!!
I thank the Lord for how He is working in your life through this journey. You've been an encouragement to ME!! I love you!

Anonymous said...

Beloved Bride, Losing Emmie without a doubt has been the hardest thing I have seen you go through (the miscarriage of our second child included) and through it all I see the rich grace and mercy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ flow in, through and all around you. I thank our God that it pleased Him to make us one flesh in Christ. I miss Ems dearly. I was blessed of God to have such a loving and encouraging mother-in-love for 10+ years. She was my biggest fan and she let me know it often. I looked forward to the day when both sets of our parents would come to live with us so we could take care of them when it became necessary...but, she is in the best care imaginable right now. I love you my dear wife! Thank you for taking those things you learned from your dear Mom and passing them down to our precious children. You are the love of my life!

(the one you thought would never read your blog)
your adoring husband-Joseph

The Morris Family said...

Thank you for your encouraging words! Your letter to your mother was one of "a child arising and blessing her mother and her Great God!" Grieving is a journey with whom our Comforter goes before us, "he knows the feelings of our infirmities." He will be Faithful to your heart needs. Keep seeking the treasures in His Words.

Blessings to you and your family!!!


Misty said...

JOdy your comment made me did I end up in such a blessing of a I love yall so much.

Put Your Faith Back into Action said...

sarah that was beautiful and made me cry. your mom was the greates ever

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