my 530th post

What is significant about that, you might ask. Well, nothing at all- I just needed a subject for this post. I've had SO much on my mind lately. I haven't blogged in a LONG time. Life has truly taken a new turn. Almost every situation has taken on a new meaning. Eternity, eternity, eternity. I go to different events and I look around almost in a daze- knowing that this life is so short and so fleeting. When I told my Granny that I could be the next to die, she said, "don't say that!" But it's TRUE!

How I long to live a life that is fruitful and pleasing to the Lord. I want to die to self every.single.day. What else truly matters anyway? I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a lady say that our main goal as parents should not be to raise godly children. At first I was kind of taken aback. Her explanation cleared it up. She said our main goal should be to be godly parents for our children. God is in control of salvation of our children. We cannot control whether or not they will be godly, but we are commanded to "train up a child in the way he should go." That really made sense to me and helped me.

I see people living just for today. taking no thought of eternity. fulfilling every physical desire they want. Oh, how it burdens me. I long to see an awakening, a sobering, a reviving of heart and soul. I want to be first in line. I want my desires to know God more to mulitiply times a million. I want to be a light for my great Saviour who purchased me with His blood. Me! The enormity of it amazes and humbles me. That's one thing I truly miss about my dear mom. She, without a doubt, lived for the Lord. He was her heart's desire. She strived to KNOW HIM. What a heritage to pass down. I'm so humbled that the Lord would grant me the privilege to be her daughter. I remember when she first called me from the hospital crying quietly and said, "Sarah, it's my heart." From then on, it was never the same. And it never will be.

I miss my mom. so much it makes my heart sting with pain. I think back to her funeral and wish I could feel every day like I felt that day. I felt SO CLOSE to heaven and God. I KNEW that my mom was rejoicing and praising and thanking her Lord. It was seriously one of the best days of my life. I know God so kindly did that for me. I watched as they lowered her casket into the freshly-digged earth. I miss her physical body.

I will never again be invited for dinner at her house or try to cook a nice meal for her and my dad. I will never again call her from my cell phone. I will never again ask her advice on parenting or marriage. I won't feel her hug me or have her sit by me and play Jeopardy. I won't ever again share the news of another pregnancy (should the Lord bless us with another child) or see her beaming face as she holds a brand new grandbaby with tears of thankfulness streaming down her cheeks. I won't laugh with her or cry on her shoulder. I will never again tuck her little wisps of hair behind her ears or see her winning smile. I will never show her another photograph or do another Bible challenge with her. I won't have the privilege of hearing her teach my children about God and what really matters in life. I could go on and on and on. She was my encourager and such a blessing in my life.

I guess I'll call it quits for now. I've been wanting to write so badly. My heart is just spilling out with thoughts and emotions. I hope to write more later.

So teach us to number our days,
that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
Psalm 90:12