A big FAT break

Hello, friends- whoever you may be. I know it's been a LONG time since I've blogged. After my mom's death, I've just felt so unmotivated to blog much of anything. And right now for me it's falling under the category of "things I'm behind on or an area I'm failing in." SO, I will extend my blogging hiatus for longer. I've stopped blogging and my husband has started. Go figure.

The Lord has been good to our family and remains faithful. I'm almost at the 28 week mark of this pregnancy. It looks like we'll be having a little girl, who we are naming after our mommies. I thought about deleting the blog and just quitting for good. However, I know (pretty sure I know, anyway) that I'll get the blogging itch again in the near future :o) Have a blessed and godly day.

Rebekah's baby shower

This past Saturday we celebrated the soon upcoming arrival of Rebekah's baby. This will be their #4 baby boy :o) I love boys! We had a blessed time. Her mother shared an excellent Bible study, we talked and laughed a lot, and we even ate some delicious food ;o)

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3

Happy (almost) 38th bday, Lovebug!!

Today we celebrated my husband Joseph's 38th birthday. His favorite color is red, so we decided to give him a red party :o) On the menu was a sausage/veggie dish, broccoli cornbread, berry punch!, red hots, red velvet cake (Pioneer Woman style) and ice cream. Definitely a yummy and filling meal. The only bad news? He is sick. :( So, he tried a tiny bit of food and had the sweetest attitude. I LOVE MY HUSBAND!! And I praise the Lord for giving me such a precious gift!

Treasure hunt

A few weeks ago, my husband made up a treasure hunt for our children. They absolutely loved it and had a great time doing it. I love having a creative and fun husband.

A gorgeous day for fun at the park

Today I was feeling rather lonely and was going to post on Facebook, "does anybody want to do anything today?" Then I (and my sister Grace) figured it sounded a bit too desperate and there is no telling what kind of comments I would get from such a crazy entry (or none at all, which probably would've mad me sadder). ha!

So, I rounded up my babies and headed to the park. With my trusty camera. Since my mom died, I have lost a lot of the zeal I once had to take pictures. It's just not as important to me anymore. I've missed it in some ways. Photography is something we would do together, so that's probably a big reason.

But, I've been reading up more and more on photography and learning a few things. I'm once again inspired, I guess you could say :o) And that makes me happy. And so do these children the Lord has blessed my husband and me with. What JOY they bring to my life. Almost daily (it should be daily) I ask the Lord to help me be a patient and loving mother to my children. I need God's grace and help every day of my life and at all hours! I fail quite often, more often than I'd ever want to admit. Suffice it to say- I am BLESSED!

After the park we got Little Caesar's breadsticks for lunch. Buy one get one free. YUM! Hope you're also enjoying this beautiful weather that the Lord has given us! It's.....NAP TIME!! One of the most wonderful times of the day :o)

Good times in Tulsa :o))

Jadon Michael- 16 months

This boy warms my heart like craZy. He is so much fun! AND, he's super snuggly!

Grief

Grief is a strange thing. It's as if it's a vague feeling/notion/experience that kinda floats around and hits you at times you expect and at times you least expect. There's really no nailing it down.

I thoroughly miss my mom. And I know pretty much everyone has somebody (or somebodies- word??) that they miss. I just plain old miss her presence. Her joy. Her life. Her visits. I miss knowing I could call her at almost any time and get instant fellowship, encouragement, counsel, love. I'm sure I've said it before but nobody but nobody loves like a mother loves. My mom cared for me in a way that no one ever will again on this earth. She cared for my soul, for my testimony, for my role as a mother and wife. And she absolutely showed me. ALL THE TIME.

So, of course I'm hurting. How could I not be?! Sometimes I (foolishly) wish our relationship would have been a 5. Not a 1 where I'd have horrible memories, and not a 10 (which it was) where I'd have TONS of memories that hurt so painfully. Just a 5. Not too bad, not too good. Yeah, that certainly was not the case. It was "too good," and I thank the LORD for the time I got to spend with that godly, selfless lady I was privileged to call my mom.

I was blessed today reading Spurgeon's morning devotion from "Morning and Evening." Here's a quote from it that I like: "The distance between glorified spirits in heaven and militant saints on earth seems great; but it is not so. We are not far from home- a moment will bring us there."

How true it is! In the pain of not having my mom on this earth, I believe I've been extremely blessed with a gift. It's the gift that eternity is more real to me. Eternal life with Christ is much sweeter. It's in knowing all the more that:

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say, “Thy will be done”;

And when at last I'll hear the call, I know I'll say 'twas worth it all”;
Only one life,' twill soon be past, Only what's done for Christ will last.

C.T. Studd

Help me, precious Lord, to live my life for you. Please teach me, guide me, help me. Help me not to grieve in an ungodly way. Please continue to comfort my hurting heart or others who are hurting also. I pray you would open my eyes to others who are hurting around me. Show me ways to help and minister to them. I pray my life would be pleasing to you. I fail SO often. Help me not to stay there, but to know how sufficient your grace is every single day of my life. Thank you for loving and saving and keeping me. I look forward to spending eternity with the One who paid the awful price for my sins.

In Christ's name,

Amen.

Ten things I've learned in hotel living

I'm sure most you know (through facebook) that while we were on vacation, we got a call from our neighbor telling us that water was coming out of our garage. Not the funnest news to receive when you're hundreds of miles from home. We've been living in a hotel since we got home and here are some things I've learned:

1) there's nothing quite like homemade food. Yes, it's very nice to be able to eat out whenever we wish to and have it paid for, but I miss cooking

2) It's hard and NOT FUN to keep kids quiet all the time. for everyone involved.

3) Housekeeping (or room service) is nice.

4) Housekeeping (or room service) is sometimes wasteful. We don't need fresh towels every single day. I promise!

5) no matter where our family is- that's home

6) Our oldest 2 are non-stop about CANDY! (which is readily available near the front desk) and the elevator buttons

7) not all hotels are created equal

8) having a non-smoking room doesn't necessarily mean that you won't smell smoke and lots of it

9) kids do eventually fall asleep at nap time and bed time :o))))

10. We.are.spoiled. like crazy.

What an adventure!

If I could write...

a letter to my mom, here is what it'd say:

Dearest Mom,

Wow, do I ever miss you. You're in heaven now for all of eternity. What is that like?? Praise the Lord I will know someday and we will worship our Lord together. for ever. perfectly.

I know I cannot communicate with you and I don't wish to. It's just that when you're used to speaking to someone nearly every single day for your whole 31 years of life, it's extremely hard when that line of communication comes to such an abrupt stop. never to return again.

This earth is definitely more of a lonely place without you. As I'm writing you, my tears are just spilling out of my eyes. As I've thought about this letter, I've had thousands of thoughts running through my head. You made such an impression on my life and I've learned so much from you.

From what others tell me and from what I know first-hand, your life was surely not a waste. The day of your funeral was one of the happiest days of my life, I guess partly because I know it (the day of your death) was THE happiest day of yours. Your faith became sight. You found Him whom your soul loved and lived for- the One you strived to know.

There were many hard things after your death. One of them was calling to cancel your next heart appointment. Nope, you didn't need to be there for that one! Another one was clearing out all your belongings and finding new homes for everything. I had a lot of help with that, thankfully.

I am in the process of making a slideshow of some pictures I took of some of the last days of your life. Along with the pics, I bought a song from Itunes called I will rise to go along with it.By the way, I'm able to make slideshows now because I got a new computer and high speed internet :o)

My kiddos miss their Emmie. They still talk very endearingly about you. Lord willing, sometime in October, we will add another car seat to our minivan. If it's a girl? Emmie Jean- after my and Jody's beautiful mothers. The Lord has blessed us once again with conception. We are all so excited. I missed not being able to tell you. You were my biggest fan in that department!

One thing that has amazed me about your life is that you never really had anyone close to you die, other than your miscarriage. Wow. Your death has been my first major death to deal with. I've never experienced anything like it. not even close. I'm able to see your sweet mommy about every other day. It's so surreal knowing that she is my mom's mom. I think that is partly why I just love her so much. I see you in her. And I guess it makes me feel closer to you. She doesn't say much, but she does tell me she loves me. I sometimes talk about you to her. I'm not sure how much she understands, but I'm pretty confident she misses you. Some visits we have, she just breaks down and sobs. I sob right along. We both miss you.

I always thought that Dad would make it to heaven before you. Probably mainly because of his asthma and all the ER visits y'all had to make together. He said you beat him in (almost- not basketball or tennis) everything here on earth, so it's only fitting that you should beat us to heaven. I like that! Praise the Lord- Dad's health seems to be really good. I've seen the Lord work so evidently in his life. He has truly been a Comfort to Dad. What an awesome thing to see.

The other day I got a card from Misty in the mail saying that this pregnancy was "something to sing about." It reminded me of you and the cards you'd send me. I saw that yellow envelope and was flooded with emotions.

I'll close with a few thank you's :

Thank you for being committed to God while on this earth. Thank you for the testimony and the good name you left behind. You could have left millions of dollars and it would have never compared to what we were left with when you died. Thank you for your faithfulness to your church and to your dear husband. Thank you for birthing me and teaching me about God. Thank you for your countless prayers for me and others. I have your journals, which I cherish. Thank you for caring for my soul, for teaching me what matters in this fleeting life. Thank you for sending me and Jody to get brown sugar (when I'm sure there was lots in the cabinet). He continues to bless my life and is a godly, diligent, faithful man who loves me like crazy. I love watching him as a father.

Until we meet again,

sarah

ps. your favorite verse made it onto your headstone

pps. I could've written volumes more. I felt like I had to get some tears and emotions out. I know I can't write you a letter really, but I do SO terribly miss our times together. thank you for the life you lived by the grace of God!

My Granny and me

I got a new computer!

I got high speed internet!

I'm just posting a pic now...

BECAUSE I CAN! :o)

and because I love my Granny!

Daniel- not just a child's story

It has been a while since I've read the account of Daniel in the lion's den. I taught our Sunday school class the story this morning. What an amazing story!!! It's found in Daniel chapter 6 and is just 28 verses long. I highly enourage every one of you to read it- now or soon! Daniel was "faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him." And yet the presidents and princes wanted to find fault with him. Sounds familiar...

"So Daniel was taken up out of the den, and no manner of hurt was found upon him, because he believed in his God."

Love it!

As we have therefore opportunity...

let us do good unto all men,
especially unto them who are
of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:10

As most of you know, my mom's mom- my Granny- lives just a few miles from me, so I'm able to see her quite often. Spending time with her at the nursing home I feel like I'm in a totally different world. I see sad things, happy things, frustrating things, and on one day I saw something that was quite encouraging.

After the residents eat their meal, the ones who are able start their slow trek in their wheelchairs from the dining room back to their own rooms. Even though they are only moving a very short distance, it still takes most of them a LONG time. As I was sitting with my Granny, I noticed a resident was stuck and just couldn't keep moving by herself. She was quietly struggling to move, but was not having any success at all. The next thing I knew another lady came along (slowly, of course) in a wheelchair and gave this resident a little push. Then wheeled to catch up and pushed her again. This cycle continued. Push, catch up, push, catch up.

In this, the Lord taught me even if I'm hurting (in a wheelchair, so to speak), I can still help others. I don't know a single person who has not felt some kind of pain or who has not suffered loss of some sort. We all have hurts. We all need encouragement in this life.

It would have been much easier for me if I would have just gotten out of my chair and helped the resident who was struggling to move her wheelchair. Instead I was able to witness a beautiful scene of selflessness and thoughtfulness. What a lonely and sad life would be lived if we continually focus on self. Help us, Lord, to open our eyes and see those who could use encouragement and help.

As a side note: after my mom died (it still hurts to write that...) some of the most precious comfort came from those who suffered very great losses themselves. They opened their hearts and poured out their love. I will be forever grateful to these dear people.

broken

That's how I feel. broken. And I'm sure many of you have felt/feel the same way for whatever reason. Mine today is simply missing my mom.

I was able to attend (by myself!!) a mini-conference at Coggin Ave. Baptist Church where the theme was "Our stories for His glory." I heard several women speak of hardships they have gone through and continue to go through and how the Lord has helped them and brought them to where they are now. It was SO good for me to sit there and listen. Thankfully my precious husband watched our babies for me, even bringing me our youngest to nurse at lunchtime :o).

At the beginning there was a time of singing where I saw a mom with her arm around her (older) daughter, just so sweetly giving her arm squeezes and rubbing her back. Boy, did my tears ever flow. I couldn't sing after seeing that. I can't say I was jealous, but I know I sat there and mourned that my mom would never do that for me again. I don't wish for my mom back here, not for a second, but I so loved her presence on this earth. What a gift it was for me. And the fact that I got to enjoy that dear lady for 30 years of my life. Incredible. How blessed I was and am!

There is definitely a process to grief and I don't think mine fits the "norm." I see myself (slowly) getting stronger and trusting in my great God who has never failed me. I found these beautiful verses just this evening:

Psalms 34:17-18

The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth,

and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart;

and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

My dad asked me this evening if I was "making friends." Not really, although I do have some dear ones. Oh, there are Christian women I love so much and would cherish a closer friendship with. However, I think it's good for me now to be (mostly) alone with my thoughts and my little family. In time, I pray the Lord will send me a "kindred spirit" friend- one with whom I can pray, talk, laugh, share , encourage, cry, etc.! My mom was all that for me, and I thank God for our many years of friendship.

As I continue to grieve, I want to be so careful to not let it consume me. It does get easier, praise the Lord. I know a lot of my thoughts seem/are very selfish. I'm just sharing what's on my heart, if for no other reason that just getting it out. I love the fact that the Lord hears me when I cry. What a comfort, what a source of joy.

I know this post is so scattered and my thoughts are everywhere! I guess to sum it up- God is good and continues to give healing to the broken. Now go give your mom a hug, if you can :o)

my 530th post

What is significant about that, you might ask. Well, nothing at all- I just needed a subject for this post. I've had SO much on my mind lately. I haven't blogged in a LONG time. Life has truly taken a new turn. Almost every situation has taken on a new meaning. Eternity, eternity, eternity. I go to different events and I look around almost in a daze- knowing that this life is so short and so fleeting. When I told my Granny that I could be the next to die, she said, "don't say that!" But it's TRUE!

How I long to live a life that is fruitful and pleasing to the Lord. I want to die to self every.single.day. What else truly matters anyway? I was listening to the radio the other day and heard a lady say that our main goal as parents should not be to raise godly children. At first I was kind of taken aback. Her explanation cleared it up. She said our main goal should be to be godly parents for our children. God is in control of salvation of our children. We cannot control whether or not they will be godly, but we are commanded to "train up a child in the way he should go." That really made sense to me and helped me.

I see people living just for today. taking no thought of eternity. fulfilling every physical desire they want. Oh, how it burdens me. I long to see an awakening, a sobering, a reviving of heart and soul. I want to be first in line. I want my desires to know God more to mulitiply times a million. I want to be a light for my great Saviour who purchased me with His blood. Me! The enormity of it amazes and humbles me. That's one thing I truly miss about my dear mom. She, without a doubt, lived for the Lord. He was her heart's desire. She strived to KNOW HIM. What a heritage to pass down. I'm so humbled that the Lord would grant me the privilege to be her daughter. I remember when she first called me from the hospital crying quietly and said, "Sarah, it's my heart." From then on, it was never the same. And it never will be.

I miss my mom. so much it makes my heart sting with pain. I think back to her funeral and wish I could feel every day like I felt that day. I felt SO CLOSE to heaven and God. I KNEW that my mom was rejoicing and praising and thanking her Lord. It was seriously one of the best days of my life. I know God so kindly did that for me. I watched as they lowered her casket into the freshly-digged earth. I miss her physical body.

I will never again be invited for dinner at her house or try to cook a nice meal for her and my dad. I will never again call her from my cell phone. I will never again ask her advice on parenting or marriage. I won't feel her hug me or have her sit by me and play Jeopardy. I won't ever again share the news of another pregnancy (should the Lord bless us with another child) or see her beaming face as she holds a brand new grandbaby with tears of thankfulness streaming down her cheeks. I won't laugh with her or cry on her shoulder. I will never again tuck her little wisps of hair behind her ears or see her winning smile. I will never show her another photograph or do another Bible challenge with her. I won't have the privilege of hearing her teach my children about God and what really matters in life. I could go on and on and on. She was my encourager and such a blessing in my life.

I guess I'll call it quits for now. I've been wanting to write so badly. My heart is just spilling out with thoughts and emotions. I hope to write more later.

So teach us to number our days,
that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
Psalm 90:12

Jadon, aka. JBird, aka. BIRD!, aka. Jadon Mikey

I know, we've got some silly nicknames for our little guy. By the way, he's 9 1/2 months old and is now sporting TWO new teeth. He makes my heart soarrrrrrr!

I LOVE YOU, Jadon Michael!!!

This is now.

The girls have grown up SO much. sigh. We had the privilege of keeping Abby for a few days and enjoyed her lots. She's definitely a fun girl to be around. and of course, I had to break out the camera. How could I not?! :o)

That was then...

This is Mikayla and her cousin Abby when they were younger.

The Shaer Boys

This family is absolutely precious! They were lots of fun and had they had tons of energy. Such handsome boys!!